Personal paradise

My personal paradise.
Instead of angels – hated little children.
Instead of divine gardens there is a playground and seed husks underfoot.
Instead of the sun caressing the skin, there is a saving array of shadow.
And it’s quiet, quiet everywhere, except that sometimes these little children, God willing, five years old, rush by with obscenities on their lips, scaring the birds and me. Birds – movement, me – a demonstration version of our future, in which I play the role of a loving mother, caring wife and good friend. But that will happen later, but for now here and right now..

This fenced children’s playground, where adults no longer control the vocabulary of their fiends, lured me with something like this… probably it was my fatigue. There are benches here, and a lot of them. There is a shadow here, and this is a gift that will not allow this lousy, frying sun, which I am glad about, but which I am already so tired of, to take over me.
Quietly, barely audibly, the trees begin to rustle in the distance. The sound turned on – the birds began to sing, the swearing became louder and louder. And now some little boy is running after a little girl, and I and my beloved… with a good friend are friendly.. and for the last time… I laugh, inventing my own incredible stories for everything.

Everything around is too bright. As if https://we88casino.co.uk/ painted with paints.
The green leaves are too green, the dirty earth is too… the dirty, black clothes on my companion are too black, and something in my temples is knocking… tapping… and it feels like the image is “floating”, shimmering, almost ringing from all this “TOO”.
I’m tired of going somewhere, but I’m already so tired of sitting and being, as it turned out, in my personal model of heaven.

I want to do something. Jump up, stamp your feet, sob from this heavy certainty of existence, which creates unbearable pressure in your head and soul. I want to destroy now openly screaming – SLIPPERY screaming children, trees rustling with monotonous rustling, pigeons running under their feet and eating the husks of damned seeds, young people of about 15 passing by, who pronounce the name “attractions” of men in obscene terms more often than any other words! I want to close my eyes, turn off my ears, so as not to hear this unbearably hateful roar of everything that exists here and now.

But what is this personal and beloved paradise of mine on the playground surrounded by everyone those I don’t care about at all?

And then I felt how the realization that I was something more than this life, than all these fears and grievances, problems and depressions, misunderstandings and disappointments, falling in love and our little happiness, had already pierced my heart, and here I am..

– Well, I think it’s time for us to go. The train will leave in half an hour,” my friend smiled sadly, looked into his eyes and quickly (as if he was embarrassed or… afraid) lowered his gaze.
– If so… then yes, it’s time to finish, – I whispered in a breaking voice.